the below post describes my now boyfriend and was written during my first-first year at university. I quite enjoyed it.
flat mate ‘kitchenfloor’ (he doesn’t have a room in this flat, but seems to feel entitled to both fridge and cupboard space….)
playingitstraight, is, basically well, playing it straight. regardless of sexuality he is most definitely the campest person I have ever met in my entire life. Despite being heterosexual (… well I know that now!) it took a good four months for us all to realise this. His shower routine is at least twice as long as mine and with that many Lush products we could open our own shop.
playingitstraight will have anyone think hes straight, as long as he’s allowed to stare at passers by of the male variety. Intriguing. he also attends yoga – where it is claimed he ‘grabs tit’ (a phrase orginally used by yours truly AND I DONT EVEN FANCY GIRLS) and follows the session with a delicious hot chocolate mixed with some fine malibu… exceedingly masculine.
In an attempt to fool us further, Playingitstraight copies those who play a fatherly role in his life – current favourite is bilingualchap who is being matched outfit for outfit. how cute.
1) ‘i’m just so comfortable in my sexuality i’ll let them think i’m gay!’
2) ‘i’m not gay’
3) ‘i’m actually not gay, its just everyone else ever seems to think i am’
4) ‘look, i may walk and dress gay but that doesn’t make me gay.’
5) ‘i’m straight’ (pauses for laughter), ‘no really – I am!’
6) ‘i don’t have to prove i’m straight, i quite clearly am’
7) ‘that’s the third time this week a man has come onto me in the toilets’
8) ‘do i look gay?’
9) ‘malibu and coke isn’t a womans drink, is it?’
10) ‘its not gay to have a skincare routine.’
11) ‘i think i’ll just get a boyfriend to make you all happy’
12) ‘i accidentally went to a gay bar the other day. was amazing. can we go for my birthday?!’
just to reiterate. he’s not.
[I just want to point out that any views in this post are not expressing any form of homophobia. I love all people all the time]