bilingual chap

Despite what people say, he’s not growing out of the uniqueness. I like that. I still live with him, and not much has changed since I last wrote this. Just that his room is above mine – so I hear the banging above. haha

Where to begin. No seriously you don’t realise the difficulty I’m having in describing this guy on paper (okay on my computer you pedantic fool). I met him on the first day and couldn’t quite believe what I was going to have to live with. I mean I still don’t even know what ethnicity he is (not being racist, its a difficult topic, you’d have to see him to believe it). Basically part Thai, French and Japanese (avoiding the stereotypes) he manages to slot nicely into the Chinese crowd …. anyway. Bilingualchap is surprisingly the medic of the flat. Its strange though that no one believes me when I introduce him. That may be though, because he has an unusual speech impediment. In the sense that its too good to be true. Bilingualchap literally can not speak. He has a lovely voice, don’t get me wrong, but words are just not his forte. ‘sh’ becomes ‘th’, f’s are v’s, whatever it should be – it isn’t. Speak to him, you’ll understand (or actually, you won’t).

It’s not a case of him being stupid, In fact I personally believe he’s half genius, but just think Bilingualchap has his own take on life. You know, the sort that makes you a little scared. okay. I’m half terrified when he walks into the room.

I realise this isn’t actually getting the point across. I’ll try and list some normal behaviour.

1) this is quite recent – during revision week. it was about half six in the evening, and I could hear banging. Turns out I wasn’t the only one, and four of us ended up in the corridor trying to locate the sound source. A couple of minutes of searching confirmed (as we had immediately suspected) these strange noises were in fact coming from room 3. scared to knock, we waited outside and hoped it would stop. Unfortunately, the banging became joined by him cursing and built up to a very loud thud (the sound a body makes hitting the floor). We waited a few minutes, and by this point we had prepared for the worst and 999 was on all our phone dial screens however seconds later his door was thrown open, and in the doorway stood a very distressed chinese man.

‘hi l—- (bilingualchap does have a real name)’
‘why are you outside my room’ (we think, no one quite knows if he’s speaking english)
‘no, you first – what are you doing?
‘revising obviously.’ and his door was shut. just like that. later we discovered he had taken to reading and running round his room at the same time, but kept on hitting his walls. and floor.

2) I just realised, a lot of my stories will start with strange noises coming from his room (think what you will of that, we all have). on this particular day, it wasn’t banging i could hear, just him laughing far too regularly. again, within seconds we were standing outside his room, expecting anything. This time sogaysostraight lead the way and barged in (thank god he wasn’t doing anything weird), before walking out laughing and shaking his head. believing it to be safe to go in, the rest of us followed and couldn’t quite comprehend what we were seeing. bilingual chap was happily grating a block of frozen cheese at his desk, whilst watching four programmes simultaneously (explaining the laughter) and also reading a medical dictionary…. duh.

3) bilingual chap likes to drink. no. that’s an understatement. he loves to drink. spill a drop and he will have probably licked it off the counter before you have time to find a cloth (okay, that is an exaggeration but with him, it also could be true). on an unimportant friday, bilingual chap was going for a night out dressed as the doctor from ‘doctor who’. his outfit looked incredible and was completed by sonic screwdriver and fez. in fact, i asked for his autograph. he left at 8, and at exactly 8.47 we heard our front door being thrown open. couldnt quite believe our eyes when the doctor flew past the kitchen door and fell out the fire escape, landing spread-eagled on the floor. being the good person he is, investmentbanker went to help. Being the good people we are, we locked him out as well. ten minutes later, they were both in the hallway, one supporting the other (guess who). i have never seen a more comical sight than the doctor trying to open his door with a plastic sonic screwdriver. apparently they just don’t work well on wooden doors. i can vouch for that.

Really it would be so easy to continue with these stories. i could easily write a book. a BESTSELLER. bilingualchap is the guy everyone wishes they were, but at the same time can’t quite believe he is still alive. i think of all my flatmates, he’s the one i want to meet in ten years, just to check he hasn’t gone mad and is claiming to be a donkey. not that there’s anything wrong with a donkey.